10 years ago today, around 1 pm, my father’s heart gave up and he left me.

The one person in my life that was always on my side and loved me completely no matter what, was gone. I was his world. And when he left me my world fell apart. My safe haven, my dad, was gone. Here I was experiencing the worst time in my life and the one person I always went to in hard times, who always helped me through them, was now the one that was gone. I fell and fell and fell through a bottomless abyss unable to stop the fall.

The turning point that helped me start the long climb up from the abyss came a couple of days later, at my mother’s. I had spent the night at her place and the first immediate shock was beginning to wear off and my mother got me to take a shower. That turned out to be a healing shower. As I stood there with the warm water cleaning my body I suddenly felt it:

His love can never die. It will live forever. His love, his hopes for me, his pride of his daughter, will never leave me. I felt and ”heard” him say it in my heart. Eternal love.

That was such a ”revelation” to me in that moment. I went into the shower still falling, and when I came out of it, the fall had lost speed and I could start to work on climbing back up again.

This insight comforts me still today.

I will  never be able to climb back to ”life before” the 19th of May 2006, but I have learned to live with ”life after” with his love in my heart.

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